Loaners and weak spots

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I’ve been driving a loaner vehicle for the last week. After posting “drive” this seemed a good follow-up, because this loaner has taught me a few things:

  1. It is not the vehicle of my choosing. I don’t pick the color, make, model, specs or accessories. I get what I get (and don’t pitch a fit).
  2. (Maybe this should be number 1) It is a gift, a privilege. I am so thankful for it, or I wouldn’t be going much of anywhere.
  3. It has things about it that bother me; it does not feel “at home” to me. Yet, I cannot alter it or try to get too comfortable with it, as it is not mine.
  4. I will have to return it in at least the state I received it in -I signed a form saying I  would care for it as if it were my own.
  5. Our earthly bodies are “loaner vehicles”.

Seriously though, God gives us these “earthly tents” as the apostle Paul calls them in his letters to Rome and Corinth, as a temporary dwelling till we get to our sweet ride in heaven. They aren’t ours, but His property. He loans them to us, paid for by our Jesus Christ insurance plan. Sometimes we don’t like what we get -the make, model, size, shape, specs, accessories. Some things we notice we’d like to change, we wonder why it was made that way; it’s not how we would design our vehicle. But we do make alterations, and get “at home” in these loaners. Some people to extremes, changing not only hair color, tan, or shape, but even going so far as to surgically change the make and model.

It makes me sad when I catch stories of people who feel they were “born in the wrong body” -and yet, doesn’t everyone think that at some point, at some level? We dislike the weak spots we see in our own appearance, build, or system. We’d rather not admit those are ours. Oddly, it is our own pride that spurs these ideas, our thinking that we could do better, that our idea of beauty, completeness and perfection is better than God’s design for creation. We see weakness and “wrong” where God has planted an opportunity for dependence, trust, growth, allowing others to support us, and more. All of these things are part of this world due to sin, yes, and His perfect will eradicates every blemish for heavenly perfection one day, as it was originally designed to be. Meanwhile, here we are.

I find myself facing a weakness I thought I’d conquered. (Yeah, you know how that goes.) My head is spinning again, and floating, falling, all of those sensations as strong as they were when my battle with Lyme was at its worst. Questions bubble: Is it a permanent weakness in my system due to the Lyme, and damage it caused? Did I just overdo things? How do I know how much is overdoing it? How long will this last? How do I plan now, if this is part of things..and for how long? Is this just the enemy trying to hold me back? Is the Lord showing me something? Fatigue sets in. Feelings of being overwhelmed. Decisions weigh so heavily. What was that about trust, dependence and all that?

It’s days like this I would love to trade in this loaner for “my real” ride. But, like the car in the driveway, while mine is still in the shop, it is not time yet. So, I must use what I’ve got. For now. And ask my Creator, Provider, Savior and Adviser how to proceed, driving around with His logo on me, honoring His business in the way I handle this vehicle.

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