Yep that’s him. Squirelly boy with grapes shoved in his cheeks. Goober. Knucklehead. For whom my heart aches and my head spins and my life plans are always being rearranged. He, moreso than my daughter or my husband, has been struggling with signs of Lyme disease for a good year or more now. Like me, it has been vague, painful, in tears at times and almost imperceptible at others, and doctors have been showing up a quarter past not helpful. We fight for his needs, for his pain, for his comfort –at the same time we question everything (is this a need? is he really sick? what does he really need? a good kick in the pants to just get up and go?) At school. At home. With food, or with limiting foods. Tests. doctors. Results. Uncertainty. Distraction. Doubt. These are my parenting circles. Love. Thank God we have love. Peace. Future. Hope. My son and I look forward to the new heaven and new earth, and talk about it together. No pain. No sorrow. No sickness. That day will come for us. Or we will see it from the other side of paradise. Either way is good. So today is good too, because we carry that hope inside us. In and around those little bacteria that are in us exists hope. Lord, heal my son! Thank you for knowledge. For medicine. For April’s planned trip to Idaho. For doctors we do know and trust and are genuinely trying to help. For community. Family. Access to good foods. Most of all for hope. Hope in the realer than real, longer than life, truer than true presence of God.
It’s a good thing to quietly hope for help from God. Lamentations 3:26 (The Message)
When the Complete arrives, my incomlpetes will be canceled….But for right now, until that completeness, I have three things to do to lead me toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. -I Corinthians 13:10,12-13 (The Message)