What to do

No pretty pictures today, just some musings about right now.

Doctors are confusing. I have consulted with an expert (for a pretty penny) and relied on my primary physician to walk me through treatment of Lyme disease, and the co-infections that the specialist is convinced I have, but my primary is not so sure. My primary tried to call the specialist to talk himself, but the specialist will not talk to him, only to “patients”. I’ve tried figuring out how to become a patient of the specialist, and found no help. Odd. The last communicae I got said “time to see someone else”.

6 months of antibiotics got me up and moving some, or maybe it’s the Magnesium treatments strengthening my cells and preventing the muscle-spams. Or maybe it’s prayer. Or just the ebb & flow of symptoms that Lyme does anyway. I’m not symptom free. But today I am antibiotic free for the first time in over 6 months. Should I take a break from treatments and see what happens? Ask for more drugs while insurance will pay for them this year? But I’ve got such a head-cold I can’t think.

So now I suppose I search for a new Lyme specialist, take the plunge, raise the money, and spend it on going to see one (to boldly go where insurance does not go). A project for my “Care team” -what a gift I have in them!

In the meantime, I look around home and wonder if I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. Disability (Soc. Security) says I’m not severe enough to be unable to work. (And I have to admit that’s probably true right now). So what work could I do? I see the house and all that I wish were repaired, remodeled, or done differently. That’d take money too (and effort!). Is that what I should do -work on the home? In some ways, yes, I feel a need to make home the healing sanctuary for myself, and my family. That would be good and right. It might also be right to keep stripping down, like we sold my car, sell things, sell the house even (find one cheaper, closer to my husband’s work) to reduce our costs. Maybe it’s right to “buck up” a bit, get a job (who would hire me, to do what?) and just keep on keepin’ on unless I get worse.

Too dizzy to keep typing. A sign that rambling should stop for today.

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